I could pretend I have had a really productive year and life is moving in really positive directions. I have managed to complete a paper for my Masters degree by the generous graces of the lecturer. I am working through a pregnancy acupuncture course and slacking on my adult teaching certificate. I am on longer on the DPB and I have managed to clear a huge debt through a summary instalment order which prevented me from being made bankrupt. However, I am still being harrassed by debt collectors because TelstraClear haven’t matched my payments properly to my account. All payments were made by the Courts authorised SIO administrator and every other company has figured it out. All of my battered and trashed furniture and appliances have been replaced through ingenious methods and hard work.
So I feel like I have cleared the physical and financial evidence of relationship baggage but I am physically carrying around far too much extra weight as emotional baggage. I feel stuck and procrastination is part of that…a bit of a “why bother” mentality. Part of avoiding my responsibilities is spending too much time online playing Perfect World where I bury myself. I think it might be a functional variety of depression where I get up, shower, go to work, do minimum housework and then go to the computer and hide. This essentially has me in contact with my brother and sister but cuts me off from improving my health, my environment, completing study requirements and having positive enriching time with my children. I know I’m doing it but I don’t have the motivation to do anything else at the moment.
I don’t know what 2008 will bring. If I had a really positive mindset I am sure I could create wonderful changes in my life. I do have wonderful things in my life but I feel burdened and overwhelmed and can’t see the path clearly.
No comments:
Post a Comment