Sunday, December 30, 2007

Procrastination and a New Year

I could pretend I have had a really productive year and life is moving in really positive directions. I have managed to complete a paper for my Masters degree by the generous graces of the lecturer. I am working through a pregnancy acupuncture course and slacking on my adult teaching certificate. I am on longer on the DPB and I have managed to clear a huge debt through a summary instalment order which prevented me from being made bankrupt. However, I am still being harrassed by debt collectors because TelstraClear haven’t matched my payments properly to my account. All payments were made by the Courts authorised SIO administrator and every other company has figured it out. All of my battered and trashed furniture and appliances have been replaced through ingenious methods and hard work.

So I feel like I have cleared the physical and financial evidence of relationship baggage but I am physically carrying around far too much extra weight as emotional baggage. I feel stuck and procrastination is part of that…a bit of a “why bother” mentality. Part of avoiding my responsibilities is spending too much time online playing Perfect World where I bury myself. I think it might be a functional variety of depression where I get up, shower, go to work, do minimum housework and then go to the computer and hide. This essentially has me in contact with my brother and sister but cuts me off from improving my health, my environment, completing study requirements and having positive enriching time with my children. I know I’m doing it but I don’t have the motivation to do anything else at the moment.

I don’t know what 2008 will bring. If I had a really positive mindset I am sure I could create wonderful changes in my life. I do have wonderful things in my life but I feel burdened and overwhelmed and can’t see the path clearly.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Life Update

I haven’t been blogging much at all lately. I have even slipped up on once a month.

*I do have a new television as I decided not to fight the fight.

*I am taking a break from Flickr and photography and it is all my sisters fault.

*I am addicted to the free game Silkroad Online.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Still No Television

I finally traipsed into the local Warehouse store with my receipt and the Consumer article firmly in hand. I stated that it would be reasonable for a television to last at least the minimum 4 years as indicated by the Consumers Institute survey of manufacturers. I was requesting repair or replacement by the retailer. The manager stated that he was unable to help and now I will need to contact their customer service department at Head Office. Thank goodness I am quite enjoying not having a large television in the lounge, as I would guess that the majority of people would repair their televisions at their own cost because of the inconvenience.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Happy Finances Dance!

I am doing the happy dance because the summary instalment order I was paying off, and was close to the $12,000, has been completed. Now my debts are minor and manageable and I will never let them get to that level again.

My next financial goal is to get off the DPB. However, there are many factors in making that work. Commencing my Master’s degree is one component and the age of the children is another.

You can’t predict what will happen in a relationship and to end up with the kids and the huge debt burden definitely creates enormous stress. I have heard many times that he doesn’t have money and I am sick of it. It always comes back to one person choosing the path and the other person being pushed onto it unawares. A man typically comes out of a marriage breakup up better off, as evidenced that he is living in a 2 income household and they have purchased a house, and I am still on the DPB and renting. We were told in a lecture, while I was doing my midwifery training, that women are a marriage breakup away from poverty and need to make certain of their financial security and I have now experienced that. 2004 was the worst year ever!

While this sounds like a bit like an awards speech I must acknowledge and thank

my friend Kahurangi for the bag of groceries she surprised me with in 2004 when things were really tough

my budget advisor Lily-Ann for putting things into perspective and making it manageable, and for the Manchester House food parcels and the grocery vouchers at Christmas

Daphne and Jo for having the vision for me to work with them and achieve job satisfaction and a way of working that supports the needs of my children

Jill for creating an opportunity for the kids and I to have a holiday

Kylie and Paul for the very special adventure to Milford Sound

Julian and Viv for the second hand clothes for the girls and the extra $$ here and there for the internet

Hayley and Will for the times they have treated me and the kids

my mother for the unlimited love and support and all the bags of groceries and Thursday dinners and treats for the kids

I couldn’t have gotten through without this help and support, and there would have been no light at the end of the tunnel if my mother hadn’t been there every step of the way making sure we were okay. I love you Mum!!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

What Happened Next?

I am still working my way through a mountain of photos from my sister’s wedding and also compiling a slideshow.

My television is still sitting in my garage and waiting for me to take up the battle again.

The supermarket was extremely prompt and very friendly in following through on the FlyBuys voucher problem. The error seemed to be in the processing by the checkout staff that evening.

Monday, February 19, 2007

All I Wanted Was Sugar

Maybe I am far too sensitive? I had some vouchers from work and no money in my bank accounts. I needed sugar and thought it would be nice to have some special items as well as a better dinner. So I selected a range of items as one does and presented myself at checkout. The vouchers were all declined. One of our staff had spent close to half an hour activating them all and either FlyBuys have a problem or the supermarket processed them incorrectly.

I felt embarrassed and upset and the staff were trying to tell me what I needed to do to fix things - but not today of course. All I could think about was the things I had chosen with the kids that were going back on the shelf. And no sugar for my cup of tea…

Friday, February 16, 2007

In Print

Update: This is the post I wrote last November and have had to keep under my hat until the article went to print. Do rush out and buy Next magazine, March issue and check out page 35. The magazine photo is the same one I use here but I have had a digital makeover and lost a few wrinkles.

11 November 2006

Recently I have been contacted about my blog by Danielle Murray, a freelance writer, who is doing an article for Next magazine. Because my responses to her questions are likely to be dramatically edited, I thought I would include that content here.

SO what I want to ask is first, WHY?

Because I can

What do you get out of it?

I have been blogging for so long now that I haven’t really analysed my current motives. What I blog and the frequency has certainly changed. The most benefit I get from it now is when family are able to find out what is going on in my life.

Do you look at it as a place to express your thoughts, political views,

worldwide views, talk about your life, your day or to vent?

I have never had a political agenda. My blogs have always been my thoughts and a place to vent. The venting has certainly become tamer over time and the content is currently sparse. My attachment to my blog fluctuates but I do try to post to my personal blog at least once a month.

What made you start?

Blogging was the new online fad and I was intrigued by people putting a personal journal online. It served many purposes in updating my family, bringing me into an online community, expressing myself in an international arena, and hopefully making my little life special and recorded for posterity.

The midwifery blog is different in that it started out as my student journal and I felt throughout my course that prospective students in other countries might be interested in what it is like to be a student here.

You won’t have seen it but I also have a blog, which my sisters and brother’s partner can all contribute to, which is about health and weight loss. We can motivate each other and also have a record to look back on.

What made you carry on?

Now that you are into it, do you think you will still be doing it a year

from now? Two years?

I can definitely see me maintaining my blogs. Initially the web-log part was about reminding myself of great sites I wanted to revisit, but social bookmarking and del.icio.us have taken over that. I have also moved my photos off my site and thrive on the social interaction Flickr has around photography. So my blogs remain as journals for the different aspects of my life.

Did you write a diary as a child/teenager/adult?

I definitely kept a diary as a child. I was distraught when they had to be destroyed a few years ago. I had them stored in a solid suitcase in the garage and mice had managed to get in and damage them all. I had been keeping a diary sporadically since I was about 12 and they detailed likes and loves, daily life, sorrows and angst, and many exciting (to me) events in my life.

Is is something you gave a lot of thought to before starting or a spur of

the moment thing?

I felt a blog to be a part of my maturing development in my internet experience. I first had access to the internet in 1996/7 and quickly found the chat thing to be boring, games were fun for a while but I wanted to create something more long lasting. In 1999 I started building my own website and joined a couple of women’s online sitebuilding and networking communities. Then came blogging.

What do you write about?

Recently the topics have been somewhat mundane. The most excitement I think my personal blog generated was when I was posting about my husband’s affair and my impending and eventual marriage separation. The content then was really only the tip of the iceberg, and since then I have kept most relationship and parenting issues out of my blog.

My midwifery blog could certainly contain much commentary about my experience and views but I am very careful as I am working in an employed capacity. I also have to respect the rights of women and my midwifery colleagues to privacy and confidentiality.

One of the approaches I have to some of my posts is that if I have been griping about something to people I come in contact with then it is certainly worthy of action by doing something about it and/or writing a blog entry.

Do you know who reads it?

I know my family read my personal blog at times, and one friend overseas. I have no idea if anyone else is interested or if anyone visits my midwifery blog.

Do you care?

I initially wanted to be recognised for my blog and websites, but now if someone mentions they have visited my site I am more surprised that they have stumbled across it. I obviously care enough that I have used pseudonyms for my children and I have made my domain registration information private.

Do you have some sort of mechanism to find out who reads it?

I can read the website statistics from my site control panel. I have a visitor counter on some of my other site pages, but totting up the numbers isn’t the status achievement that drives me. Site visitors can comment on posts and that is much more fun. Thank goodness for Spam Karma which weeds out the spam comments!

Have other people, complete strangers (Like me!) been in touch?

When it was juicy and I was posting more frequently there was much more interaction. I was contacted and interviewed previously for Breakfast following an email message, which nearly ended up deleted with the mountain of spam I get. Other than midwives and students who have visited my site, no one else has contacted me out of the blue.

Have you made new friends from it?

Not from my blogs. I used to regularly visit other blogs, but it was very time-consuming and the fad faded. I know all too well the fickle nature of online friendships and relationships. I have 3 friends I have made online (since 1999) in the US who I hope to visit by 2010.

How careful about personal info on it are you? Do you include details about

other people in your life?

I tend to keep comments about my extended family members out of my blog. As a woman and mother I tend to say more about my immediate family and relationships, but my openness has been a casualty of my marriage breakup. I have already mentioned the pseudonyms (which the kids chose for themselves). However, anyone who really wants the information can find it - as you did.

Do you pay particular attention to what you write should someone you do care

about it read it? Like your mum?

I’m not into shock tactics. I did set up a private and anonymous Blogger blog for the nitty gritty, but I haven’t really posted there at all. I discuss anything and everything with my mother. I would not want to write anything that would shame my children as they get older and may take an interest. I self-censor and there is nothing really there about my efforts to save my marriage or any hint of any new relationships in my life.

Do you expect your family/friends to read it?

I have no expectation. It is there and I know my sisters to catch up with what’s going on for me. Sometimes my sisters mention something I have written and I realise I should have updated my blog with the outcome as the situation has changed.

And if you do, do you feel offended if they haven’t?

No. I have attempted to keep the extended family in touch by setting up a Yahoo email group but the communication is very quiet on that front.

Do you read other blogs?

Do you have a favourite? WHy?

I used to have about 10 favourites and about 30 other blogs I would catch up on when I had spare time. Now I limit it to much less. I did recently come across a hilarious and very raunchy blog that I read when I want some light relief. I think that the social networking at Flickr with photography has filled the gap.

Do you expect your blog to take on a particular direction in the future that

you haven’t yet established or are thinking about?

Nothing planned at this point.

How many times a week do you blog?

I aim for at least one post a month. I have seen many blogs come and go when bloggers burn out or get burnt.

For how long?

I have been blogging since August 2000. I don’t tend to write essays so it doesn’t take much effort other than finding a topic to post about.

Would you say this takes up a lot of your time?

It used to, but now my blog requires very little time.

Does reading other blogs take up a lot of your time?

Not now. It really is a positive that I don’t have the time to spend reading the infinite ramblings of other bloggers.

Before email, were you big on writing letters? Or still are?

Writing and receiving a letter is very special and I had a big bundle of letters I have kept and I think they are still in a box somewhere. My moods around letter writing come and go but I have written a real letter and posted it in the last year.

Are you personal friends bloggers? Family members?

I have offered to set up blogs for all and sundry but, other than the weight loss blog for my sisters, there is not much interest. I have also encouraged a few to join Flickr as well so we can see each others photos.

What do they think of your new hobby?

It’s not new. I see myself as keeping pace with internet trends, but podcasting escapes me. I doubt you’ll ever see any of my short digital camera movies on YouTube either. My family are all very internet and technology savvy.

Have you considered a tip jar at all?

I did add a PayPal donate button to a lot of my site pages but not a single donation was forthcoming. That was another internet fad and I am astounded that people who put up their sob stories actually got handouts. I would be nice if my online activities broke even and I could have my web sites and internet connection all paid for.

Can you elaborate more on the Breakfast Show… did you get on, who did you interview with? How long ago was it? What did they ask you? I just thought this might be an interesting angle to pursue!!!

The posts I wrote to my site about that “event” are here: http://www.blognessie.com/?m=200408&paged=2 . The segment was televised 8 August 2004.

I don’t know what Breakfast does for a person’s profile or if anyone even watches it because, other than my excitement and family watching it, I don’t recall a wild bump in my site visitor statistics. Maybe I should put some scathing and inflammatory product comments and video on my website? Realistically I understand that my internet footprints could last longer than my websites and what I write could detrimentally affect future job prospects.

The interview was a part of the technology segment and looked at Deborah Hill Cone’s blog (doesn’t look like it is still operational) and my very personal blog, with additional commentary from a business perspective. I thought it was hilarious in 2004 talking about the new craze of blogging when I had been writing mine for 4 years.

I could track down the video and give you the name of the interviewer if you think it might be useful and pick out the other info as well. Such a shame that fame, fortune, and gorgeous intelligent single guys didn’t magically appear in my life then…LOL Maybe that only happens when you eat Tim Tams?

Saturday, January 20, 2007

The Meaning of the Links

If it wasn’t already obvious, I am going to be a photographer for a wedding. My baby sister is getting married on the 3rd of February. She wants low-key wedding photographs but I am more worried about doing a good job. I am sorting out my equipment and we have put together a shot list. I get to do a good practice run next weekend on the Sunday after the Hen’s Night. The most important thing is to have a few options depending on which location they choose for the wedding and the photos. As a beach wedding in a public location it could be a challenge!

Monday, January 15, 2007

A pain in my Plaxo… and a great recovery

Plaxo have a great concept and I was very pleased with their service for synchronising my Outlook address book. Now I am furious and will be looking around for a similar free service if I can find one.

In December 2005 I foolishly clicked on one of the site links to have a free trial of their eCards service. I figured it was before Christmas and would be a fun thing to do. I didn’t plan on continuing with the service.

In January 2006 I wasn’t notified that the trial period was up and I received a charge for the service on my credit card. I felt very foolish and emailed the company trying to get a refund because I felt their processes should include a reminder before the end of the trial. I got no joy and believed my account to be cancelled. I also definitely couldn’t afford the charge in the first place.

This month I received another charge for the eCards (even though I haven’t ever used it and had cancelled). I am so angry it makes me want to smash their stupid computers with their stupid “customer care” form letters. I have not been cared for at all. If I could, I would put up a billboard or otherwise publicly express how furious I am. I want my money back!

Update: I don’t know whether it was my irate response to customer service or the graces of Redgee who commented on this post, but I am pleased to report that I have received a refund of the Jan 2007 amount. I wish everyone would learn to read emails throughly and send the most appropriate and genuine response rather than the form mail that is the closest fit to the scenario. Thank you Plaxo.