Monday, December 25, 2000

Here is my very first

Here is my very first project for Expressions. I am thrilled because I created all the elements of the page myself. I got the tulip photo free online and created a set to suit my expressions page.

My sister said this was a bit depressing. Drin had tears in his eyes after reading it. I feel lighter and tender after writing it and preparing the page.

In future I hope I am able to do photographic expressions to give me some direction for using my digital camera. I have loads of web page development ideas. Making graphics available to the web community is one of them.

Sunday, December 24, 2000

Now my blog is all

Now my blog is all up, including the entries from August…not that I said all that much. Presents still to wrap! So I’ll put up the redirection and get busy!

Saturday, December 23, 2000

So far I’ve moved the

So far I’ve moved the index page and menu. Created a 404 page. Moved the blog, but the archives are in a wee bit of a pickle. Put redirections on the old pages. It will be a slow process, but I love not having ads on my pages

We’ve had a lovely day. We went out to lunch and saw The Grinch at the movies. Stress factor was low and the movie was nice.

The kids decided that they wanted to give Christmas cards to the neighbours. That was fun. They were lucky and were invited to see one of the neighbour’s Christmas tree toghether with perfect decorations and an electric train running around the bottom of it. The couple don’t have children and they are wonderful.

Merry Christmas

Wednesday, December 20, 2000

I have been brave and

I have been brave and signed up with Your-Site Virtual Server Solutions. I hope everything goes smoothly and works!

Thursday, December 7, 2000

BLOGVOICES

I’ve added BLOGVOICES to my blog so that readers can add comments after reading my posts. I hope you respect my posts and I hope I never have to hover my fingers over the delete button.

Not anxious.

I’m not really still anxious. Imood has not updated my mood on the page =(

Tuesday, December 5, 2000

tlIsn’t it a small world?

Isn’t it a small world? My sister’s boyfriend went to school with Drin’s cousin. We only know this because Drin showed Will a photo of his cousin and Will recognised him.

I have changed the entry graphics to my site and removed the background set buttons from my site menu. I thought this would be okay, but after hearing on one of my mailing lists that this could be in violation of terms I decided that it was better to be safe than sorry.

Sunday, November 26, 2000

Support

It is great to have you back

Supporting each other is what we are all about.

If any of you didn’t know, I am a student midwife and I have one more birth to attend before the end of the year. I am loving my new house and my career choice. Arcanine is recovering well and we are one happy family.

Monday, November 20, 2000

I found this wonderful page

I found this wonderful page on Journal Keeping. The author has a fantastic site and writes beautifully. If only I was as eloquent, but what the heck!

Saturday, November 18, 2000

Promotion

I’m so excited! I have been promoted. I am now a Ruby for the Net Sisters Social Charms Society. You might say “who cares…” but I am thrilled Kat will be interested in this because she was the groundbreaker before me. So I’ve got big boots to fill and a great team to work with.

It seems as though getting our house sorted will take forever. We have completely cleared out of our old place and the landlords are returning the full bond. Now we just need to pay an extra $480 to make up the full bond for our new place. And it’s only 5 weeks until Christmas!!!!!

Wednesday, November 15, 2000

Offline

I’ve been off for a week and have to clear my email and this is the message I get: Visto Corporation All Visto Servers Busy. What have they been doing at Visto? I really want to clear my Net Sisters email.

The new place is getting sorted. The phone is obviously on now…hooray!

Wednesday, November 8, 2000

No internet

Drin just pointed out that as we will have no phone at our new place until Thursday, that will also mean no internet. Now, I’m not a dumb person, but I never considered that I would be internet-deprived. I will enjoy the time to get us settled in our new house and work on my web pages offline, and scan bucketloads of photos and copy them onto CD.

Friday, November 3, 2000

Midwifery

Now to add some more midwifery journal entries to my site.

We had a lovely day with a visit from Leigh and Eileen. It was fantastic seeing them and the kids. Drin even managed to make it home for a little while to see them.

Fascinating with this midwifery lifestyle that I seem to be managing (except the housework) and Drin is all into work and stress. He is the one who has to find balance, and I need to be aware of supporting him as well.

Thursday, November 2, 2000

I helped my sister set up her very own blog which she has...

I helped my sister set up her very own blog which she has called a day in the life of......me! Well done Ky :-D

Did you know that I am a new editor for Open Directory -...

Did you know that I am a new editor for Open Directory - Health: Professions: Midwifery and Open Directory - Regional: Oceania: New Zealand: Health: Midwifery? Do you have any links you want to suggest? I'd love to see them.

Last fave rave for today: Visto.com, where I get my 15 MB...

Last fave rave for today: Visto.com, where I get my 15 MB email storage, and no usage minimum to keep the account open.

Sharing some of my faves. Yahoo may be taking over the...

Sharing some of my faves. Yahoo may be taking over the internet, but one feature I adore is Yahoo! Companion with the ability to use my bookmarks on any computer.

We have somewhere to live. Hooray!!! The first place we...

We have somewhere to live. Hooray!!! The first place we looked at we adored. Lots of space, not too flash, and not too expensive.

Wasn't sure whether the landlords would be okay with our dog as part of the bargain. They proposed that if we chose to keep him with us instead of finding him another home that we would be able to as long as we paid another weeks rent as bond money. Expensive, but worth every cent to keep our family together.

Wednesday, November 1, 2000

My blogging inspirations should get some credit here. I...

My blogging inspirations should get some credit here. I will also set up a Reads page.

The first Blog I ever laid my eyes on was Kat's. And Kat is as local as net denizen's get. She's a Kiwi girl

And in my travels I came across Positive Blogging which sounded completely logical to me.

And the first/last step to blog addiction came from Me at Midnight. It is both beautiful and truthful.

Thank you for setting me on my way. Any critics have these wonderful people and sites to blame.

Visited Access Brokerage to see how our shares are doing.

Visited Access Brokerage to see how our shares are doing.

This is the bulletin about Restaurant Brands: "AMP Custodial Investments No.1 (CI) proposes to acquire up to 4,649,999ordinary shares (Target shares) of Restaurant Brands New Zealand (RBNZ). Theproposed acquisition of the Target Shares will result in CI controlling morethan 20% of the ordinary shares in RBNZ. The price to be paid for the Targetshares will be between $1.10 and $1.25 per share."

We might be able to get back what we paid for them...

Monday, October 30, 2000

I passed. I only spent 20 minutes of the hour allotted for...

I passed. I only spent 20 minutes of the hour allotted for the test. I passed. It was only a provisional result with some sections unmarked, but the worst course grade I could get would be a 'B', and I'm hoping for an 'A'.

And wouldn't you know it... for the small amount of time I spent doing the test, I got a parking ticket! For a grand total of $440, with $40 of it because I parked on a residents parking zone, and the rest as punishment for procrastination for not having registered and warranted the car. I was really philosophical and was treating it as a bad joke, but Drin got angry and into blame mode.

I was thinking of F* (I will use first initials to maintain confidentiality) while I was doing the test. I hope your appointment went well, or as well as it could.

Just watched a documentary about Kiwiflatmates.com. I...

Just watched a documentary about Kiwiflatmates.com. I would love to live in the house. It would certainly solve the homeless situation we will be in on December 3rd. But what a way to live! Like living in a glasshouse but with the whole world looking in for free. I'm sure the web-world enjoys the voyeurism.

I don't like the rising popularity and pressure around Halloween. It all seems to be commercially driven because trick or treating by children is a new phenomenon in New Zealand. I prefer Guy Fawkes which has it's own set of adversaries and complaints.

Today we checked out a few houses from the outside. The ones we like are just beyond what we think our affordable price range is. It will be a mission finding accommodation in time.

Saturday, October 28, 2000

Smilies

Just a wee note from reading my blog. I wish Blogger converted smileys.

Just a wee note from reading my blog. I wish Blogger...

Just a wee note from reading my blog. I wish Blogger converted smileys.

Photocopying pages for colouring in for anatomy and...

Photocopying pages for colouring in for anatomy and physiology. Sounds childish, but it really increases my retention. I've certainly left study for this test later than usual, but I have had a lucky break. The midwife I'm working with this semester is busy for some of the day tomorrow, which means more study time for me :-D

Friday, October 27, 2000

I will catch you up with the marae visit later. Currently...

I will catch you up with the marae visit later. Currently trying to figure out archiving ;-p

Catch up later

I will catch you up with the marae visit later. Currently trying to figure out archiving ;-p

Drin will be so happy. A Blog from U2. If I tell him...

Drin will be so happy. A Blog from U2. If I tell him about it he might even read mine to get the link ;-)

I found a mouse trailer script that I like from Dynamic...

I found a mouse trailer script that I like from Dynamic Drive. The rationale for adding it to my pages is that they are not all housed on the same server, and I limit the use of the target=self tag so I don't tick people off by hogging the address bar. So now visitors will realise that I have my own domain name of www.kiwinessie.net.

Wednesday, October 25, 2000

Counting down to the end of the year and looking forward to...

Counting down to the end of the year and looking forward to more evenings to work on getting my web pages tidied up. Not that I exactly deprived myself of web time to knuckle down and be overly studious ;-)

Another presentation to our class today, and then an overnight marae stay tomorrow night. The kids are looking forward to it, but I was ticked off that even with heaps of notice Drin conveniently chooses to roster himself to work and excuses it by stating how irreplacible he is.

Tuesday, October 24, 2000

Simple reminder to myself:

Simple reminder to myself:

ALWAYS check my pages in Netscape.

No one responded to my plea for help checking my page. Maybe no one actually reads this Blog. But on a hunch I downloaded Netscape again and reinstalled it. I know that all pages should be checked in Netscape, but the last download took forever and didn't work, so I was putting it off. Now it's fixed!

Monday, October 23, 2000

A wee problem with one of my site areas. Can anyone out...

A wee problem with one of my site areas. Can anyone out there help? A woman who submits articles for a national midwifery journal was having problems accessing the URL that she is intending on publishing. (My site :-D wow!) If anyone reading this could check it out and email me. Just trying to figure out if it is a Fortune City problem, or a coding problem.

The World of KiwiNessie - Midwifery Index

My Guestbook is now all spruced up and ready for action. I...

My Guestbook is now all spruced up and ready for action. I have kept the Bravenet one as backup, and the Spirit book for if I go back into a Site Competition. Now my main Guestbook is from Phaistos. I have changed my main one because sometimes the Bravenet book cuts entries short.

Now I just need someone nice to christen it.

My next efforts will be directed to rounding out my Blog. According to Blog culture it seems appropriate to include a reading list and some Blog rings. That will be fun

I was actually going to get a bit of extra sleep because my daughter kept me awake last night, but then my internal lightbulb flashed and I realised I hadn't printed of my bibliography for my women's studies presentation.

Site problem

A wee problem with one of my site areas. Can anyone out there help? A woman who submits articles for a national midwifery journal was having problems accessing the URL that she is intending on publishing. (My site wow!) If anyone reading this could check it out and email me. Just trying to figure out if it is a Fortune City problem, or a coding problem.

The World of KiwiNessie - Midwifery Index

Sunday, October 22, 2000

Updating pages

Inch by inch, I am updating my pages. My midwifery section is nearly polished and complete. I need to get the ball rolling and add my birth stories so that there is something there for people to read.

After a midwifery lecturer at Conference commented that my Reflective Journal had not been updated in a while, I made sure I spruced the page up and added more entries. My lecturer is currently reviewing my reflective journal for my course, so finishing the entries will have to wait. Having feedback about my journal was a timely reminder that even though I put up my pages for my own satisfaction, that people do actually visit them. LOL

This web publishing angle I will use to my advantage. The university want to use a logo that some of the students designed. I was concerned that copyright issues might be compromised and if we wished to use the logo at a later date that there would be no record of initial creation and ownership. The university has permission to use the logo, but we retain the rights. I should probably research copyright implications…but the first step will be publishing online the assignment that we submitted.

In utter lunacy I thought I might move my family pages to...

In utter lunacy I thought I might move my family pages to Homestead for the collaboration and easy building option. Their site and tools, and even FTP are slow. I will try it out and see how it works out.

Are there any hosts that are better at collaboration?

Inch by inch, I am updating my pages. My midwifery section...

Inch by inch, I am updating my pages. My midwifery section is nearly polished and complete. I need to get the ball rolling and add my birth stories so that there is something there for people to read.

After a midwifery lecturer at Conference commented that my Reflective Journal had not been updated in a while, I made sure I spruced the page up and added more entries. My lecturer is currently reviewing my reflective journal for my course, so finishing the entries will have to wait. Having feedback about my journal was a timely reminder that even though I put up my pages for my own satisfaction, that people do actually visit them. LOL

Saturday, October 21, 2000

Blog page

The current blog page now seems to be working satisfactorily. Now to add permalinks and archive details. Then deal to the archive pages.

The difficulty has been to find a place to hold the pages that allows FTP, and doesn’t have a banner that will mess the page up. Red Rival fits the bill completely, but FTP is down at the moment. How reliable are they? So here we are at Spaceports for reliability

The difficulty has been to find a place to hold the pages...

The difficulty has been to find a place to hold the pages that allows FTP, and doesn't have a banner that will mess the page up. Red Rival fits the bill completely, but FTP is down at the moment. How reliable are they? So here we are at Spaceports for reliability

Friday, October 20, 2000

Online work

I’m being a good wee Open Directory editor and am running through the Internet Detective tutorial to tune up my site assessment skills.

I’m currently juggling the OPD, Net Sisters, my aromatherapy club, and the sites I maintain. This seems to be a happy balance. No more site competitions for a while. They don’t seem to achieve much, other than fellowship, and require a lot of time and dedication.

I'm being a good wee Open Directory editor and am running...

I'm being a good wee Open Directory editor and am running through the Internet Detective tutorial to tune up my site assessment skills.

I'm currently juggling the OPD, Net Sisters, my aromatherapy club, and the sites I maintain. This seems to be a happy balance. No more site competitions for a while. They don't seem to achieve much, other than fellowship, and require a lot of time and dedication.

Journalling

I am missing my reflective journal. I’ve attended 4 births this week and will have to wait for class before I can write. I am thrilled to have attended 8 births so far, and be ahead for the next two years.

I am feeling philosophical. Our landlords visited today to say that we have 6 weeks notice and will need to move out just before Christmas. If we hadn’t had a hint of the news beforehand we would have been gutted. There is a remote possibility of a purchase in the pipeline, but I don’t want to get too excited about it. Thank goodness we weren’t doing Christmas lunch or dinner at our place this year!

I am missing my reflective journal. I've attended 4 births...

I am missing my reflective journal. I've attended 4 births this week and will have to wait for class before I can write. I am thrilled to have attended 8 births so far, and be ahead for the next two years.

I am feeling philosophical. Our landlords visited today to say that we have 6 weeks notice and will need to move out just before Christmas. If we hadn't had a hint of the news beforehand we would have been gutted. There is a remote possibility of a purchase in the pipeline, but I don't want to get too excited about it. Thank goodness we weren't doing Christmas lunch or dinner at our place this year!

Thursday, October 19, 2000

Edit

Trying to edit this blog. It is a mission!

Trying to edit this blog. It is a mission!

Trying to edit this blog. It is a mission!

Blog…

Blog, blog, blog. I just added a post and it disappeared.

Blog, blog, blog. I just added a post and it disappeared.

Blog, blog, blog. I just added a post and it disappeared.

Tuesday, October 10, 2000

Different Needs

On 2 October I met C* who is over the age of 40 and is a 38 weeks expecting her first baby. She was confident and self assured but very anxious about her pregnancy and her birth. I used the term "precious cargo" when N* first discussed C*, and this was reinforced by her communication during the visit.

When we visited S* it was fantastic being able to palpate her twins. As there is less room I found it quite tricky identifying the lise of the babies. N* did a palpation and guided me through. After N* showed me, everything seemed obvious.

I'm enjoying visiting M*. Her husband was home and he didn't seem to be very happy. Their son is getting really used to me visiting. I'm really hoping that I am able to attend the birth. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

S* let me know that while she was quite happy for me to be able to be at her birth, her husband wasn't so keen and wanted it to be a private affair. When I first heard it I was quite disappointed, but now I'm quite philosophical about it. I think of it this way that I've done more births than the minimum and at the moment I have 1 definite birth to attend and 3 maybes. I'm still ahead and any little bit I do gets me ahead.

The next day I met T* and her husband at delivery suite. We soon figured out what his reluctance was in attending the birth. He was fine with the new birthing rooms and the standard delivery rooms but when we took them into one of the delivery theatres he loked very uncomfortable. It was partly the clinical apearance of the place as well as the smell.

Monday the 9th was a really busy day. We had to quickly stop in and visit N* who had a severe nosebleed on her way to work. We checked her blood pressure and did a general check and N* recommended the N* visit her GP as everything was alright in relation to her pregnancy.

N* had 3 appointments at the rooms she uses at the Karori Village Medical Centre. I didn't see one of the couples as we were short of time so I went through booking paperwork with another couple. One thing I realised about booking visits for multiparous women is that one of the most important things for discussion is the previous birth.

We visited one woman postnatally and I had an opportunity to hold her baby. On feeling his head I was amazed how moulded his skull bones were. It was easy to identify the posterior fontanelle.

N* warned me about S*'s house before we arrived and her concerns that the state of the house posed a health risk to the whole family, and especially a newborn. S* is an uncompromising woman and continues to smoke during her pregnancies and after the births of her babies.

I felt composed until I passed their dog and it decided to growl at me. I took a quick breath to reassert myself and told the dog firmly to be quiet. This worked but it certainly put me off balance.

When we entered the house I was shocked. It probably isn't the worst I'll ever see but I hadn't really expected it to be as bad as it was. This is where N*'s years of experience as a community nurse and her previous work with S* provided me with a model for interaction. N* treated the whole situation as normal.

S* is expecting her fourth baby and they currently have six people living in a three bedroom house. I know what that's like, but our home was definitely not in that state. S*'s partner arrived and I felt like he was looking down my top. I'm not necessarily worth looking at, but that made me really uncomfortable.

After we left N* said that she intentionally chose the lounge for the discussion as the kitchen was appalling. She suggested that S*'s would be a good birth to attend. I think I'm a little wary because N* has stated that S* can be really blunt. If she was directing her frustrations at me, how would I react? Tears, a joke, or just brush it off, or return the comments. I don't know, but I think I would follow the patterned response set by N*. It could be quite helpful being there if S*'s husband is away when she goes into labour.

I'd already checked with Adrian and was able to go in with N* to commence an induction for one of W*'s clients N*. They hadn't met S*, so I didn't feel as though I was stepping on her toes. They were happy for me to attend the birth and I went home excited with anticipation.

Adrian and I are both learning as we go along about the nature and timing of midwifery. I'm learning to work out estimates and Adrian's happy if I respect his needs and keep him informed.

I was up bright and early for the induction and got to the hospital in time, but it looks as though it might pay to be a little bit early as N* gets started as soon as she arrives and I might miss things.

It was a really cold day. I felt as though I had two left thumbs. One comment another midwife made is that she finds students tiring because she is directing traffic and they aren't as quick as she is. And these comments she was applying to a third year! I felt as though I fulfilled these comments. After enough births a lot of the processes become automatic. I'm looking forward to then, but right now evrything seems painfully slow.

N* provided us with a tricky induction process. Frequent monitoring was required because baby didn't like having the syntocinon rate too high. N* and her husband had a few questions which I felt I answered accurately. Possibly questions they weren't wanting to ask N*.

Once again the privacy and confidentiality issue arose. I am super aware of it after querying N* about a first year being disciplined and she stated that it was over a breach of privacy. One question I need and answer to: Can our reflective journals be used against us in relation to breach of privacy and malpractice? If we meet a family in public who we cared for during pregnancy and labour, are we able to introduce them to our family or friends, and how should that introduction be worded?

During the labour there wasn't quite the feeling of being connected with N*. She was tired and sore and was in a fast/slow time warp dealing with pain.

Thursday, September 28, 2000

Conference

Another fantastic day. Heard an awesome inspiring speaker, Rangimarie Rose Pere. She gave us all plenty of food for thought.

I won a prize draw. It's rather exciting, but I haven't seen it yet and it's not the Sonicaid.

At the hangi dinner the atmosphere was much more relaxed then the dinner the previous evening. I enjoyed it, but couldn't get into the dancing after the Pacific Island group and the Maori culture group. I missed Adrian, and felt lonely and shy.

Wednesday, September 27, 2000

Conference

I love today. So much to see and do and participate in.

I found it completely confounding that we had men speaking on behalf of the women for the powhiri.

It was fantastic meeting Sarah and Sheryl from the midwives list.

I was really disappointed in the dinner as the quality and quantity of the food was not satisfactory value for the price paid for the meals.

It's amazing to see midwives let their hair down and have fun. I can imagine I'll be like that in a few years. As Sandy and I have discussed, there is a definite culture of midwifery, and as students we feel as though we have a taste of it, but are on the outside looking in.

Tuesday, September 26, 2000

Pre-Conference

We made it here without too many problems. I'm disappointed that none of the other first-year students are staying at the school dorms, but I'm definitely pleased to be here because it's the more economical option.

It is obvious that there are sub-cultures in this culture of midwifery. N* suggested that to get peer support as a practitioner the student and midwife needs to be aware of, and absorb, all aspects of midwifery culture.

I need to work on my literature review and tonight looks like the best night to get some good work done.

The material presented today has been fascinating. The workshops are really more of a lecture, but in smaller groups.

I purchased Spiritual Midwifery and hope I can get Ina May Gaskin to sign it. We'll just have to wait and see.

Like the Optimal Foetal Positioning workshop, the information we are getting makes me question practices that are considered normal and check my experiences.

I often feel in this midwifery student role as though I am a passive observer watching and learning by standing back and absrobing interactions and culture.

Sunday, September 17, 2000

Continuity of Care

What a glorious day! I truly experienced the joy a midwife must have at being able to provide continuity of care with final postnatal visits for two of the women whose births I attended.

Our first visit was to L* who is due in February. She has already finished work and is happily homemaking and preparing and making beautiful items for baby. Her house is absolutely gorgeous. Perfect design and decor. If L* had a hand in it I thought she should go into business, but they bouight it that way.

S* had a look around the hospital to figure out what the plan was for her birth. It looked and felt to N* as though both babies were head down, with one baby firmly descended. This looks good for S*. While N* thought it would be good for me to be at the birth, I fielded the idea with S* so that she could think about it.

V* is doing really well. We me B*'s parents. B* and V* gave me the disk back with the photos which is fantastic. I will have to wait for a copy of the other photos fom the camera so I can show other students the birth chair. N* and I don't think they realise how close that V* was to a serious haemhorrage.

J* is a character. Once again we caught her in the shower. She is being pampered by her mother in classic Indian tradition. Even though baby was premature, he is really thriving.

It was wonderful seeing D* again. As I told her in a slightly humorous way that I'll never forget the first birth I attended, and what a privilege it was. I would love to be able to keep in touch by email. The final visit offers closure for the midwife and the woman to move on to their next endeavours.

I was really stunned that L* and G* had given me a card and a box of chocolates because they had already given me a gift by allowing me to attend J*'s birth. I guess it's more to recognise the special connection I will always have with them and their baby.

I gleaned lots of practical information from N* today about midwifery practicalities to how a new practitioner might build up their practice.

Friday, September 15, 2000

Home Birth

I was so lucky to be able to attend a wonderful home birth.

V* and B* had planned a home birth. I must have had a feeling the night before because I went to bed at 11pm and told Adrian that I needed my sleep just in case V* had her baby early.

N* was phoned by V* at 6:30am. V*'s waters had broken around midnight. When N* arrived V* was 9cm dilated. N* phoned me at 7:20am. I missed the actual phone call, but once again that intuition kicked in and I got up and checked the caller display and rang the number.

The adrenalin kicked in and I got dressed, put my hair up, grabbed my stethoscope, sphygmomanometer and digital camera and flew to V*'s house. I managed to get there at about 7:45am and arrived before C* who was travelling from Island Bay.

When I got there V* was in the birthing pool in her kitchen/dining room. The atmosphere was warm and steamy and everyone was relaxed.

For whatever conincidental reason each midwife was wearing a blue top which blended perfectly with the gorgeous blue walls. V* made use of her recent vocal lessons and during a contraction she made a ululating musical la-la-la-la sound as a coping mechanism. It sounded amazing, and must have really confused the neighbours.

V* got out of the pool when she was no longer able to relax and cope with the contractions. B* was amazing at applying acupressure. N* also had a go so that B* could get dressed. J* was a wonderful support person with providing water, cups of tea, hot and cold flannels, towels. She was really unphased by everything, but I really think that the actual birth was very emotional for her.

The strength and speed of V*'s labour really tired her out. V* spent some time on the amazing birth chair (which reminds me of a captain's command console from Star Trek) and also semi-reclined on the floor.

One point to note about helping a woman birth on the floor is that it is excruciatingly painful for your knees if sustaining the pisition for a period of time. Maybe midwives should have kneepads underneath their trousers. I also got dreadful cramp and had to carefully change my position a dozen times.

It was funny to see V* reach the stage where she felt she couldn't go through with the birth. I can remember feeling that way with Lucas. I can remember feeling like I wanted to climb out of my body and away from the pain.

It was really good to see N* suggesting and V* using different positions during the labour and for second stage as well. I can remember reading somewhere in a pregnancy book that once the labouring woman is in second stage and pushing that she should stay in one position. Jean Sutton's Optimal Foetal Positioning gave me the information about varying positions to facilitate baby's passage through the birth canal. The one I still have to figure out is the knees up and pushing while semi-reclined. I'm looking forward to giving the book to N* at the end of our clinical time together.

I could see as baby was emerging that V* had torn. Although the damage looked like a lot more because of swelling. Baby came out quite pale and with loads of vernix covering her. V* and B* were incredibly emotional and I was really moved by it.

I also witnessed a close call post-partum haemhorrage. The blood flow was continual and seemed to pulse. C* drew up more Syntocinon and N* vigorously massaged V*'s fundus. They were both so calm that until I actually spoke to N* about what happened, I wasn't sure how close it was. B* had to leave the room as he was feeling faint. J* held baby. I'm not sure if B* and V* realise how close it was. If the midwives had panicked the place would have been a real disaster zone.

I was doing V*'s blood pressure and pulse and everything was okay. I looked at the stitching and really had no idea how N* knew what to stitch. I noticed the smell of blood reminded me of what a butchery smells like. And there was certainly plenty of blood.

We kept V* warm and kept monitoring V* and cleaned up around her. V* breastfed and we were able to relax with a cup of tea. Then when V* was ready we helped her up to the shower.

In hindsight N* thinks that the haemhorrage had two causes. The fact that V*'s bladder wasn't empty and she hadn't been to the toilet for at least 2 hours before the birth, as well as the way the placenta separated from the uterine wall. This certainly gives me food for thought and demonstrates the importance of an empty bladder. If the bleeding hadn't stopped then N* said that they would have had to give V* ergometrine and call an ambulance.

What an amazing learning experience in so many ways. Every birth gives me a unique connection with all of the people there. I feel as though for a moment my life is inextricable linked with the life of the baby.

It was lovely to have S* ask if I would be at the birth. N* is going to see about me being there for S*'s as well. Sometimes when I am out with N* I feel an incredible flow where everything seems natural and right. I feel discomfort when N* pushes me to do something new that I haven't done before. I know that's what I'm there for but I still get nervous when I'm trying out new skills, because other than possibly just looking stupid, I'm dealing with people's health.

I feel quite confident about the Guthrie test. I felt that my notes provided more detailed information than the pamphlet and the research process equipped me better in informing the parents. I discovered my bias and view that after finding out more information I would want all parents to accept the Guthrie test. I am interested to hear another midwife explain the purpose. I don't recall how the test was explained in the hospital, or even if much detail was provided.

Thursday, September 14, 2000

Learning Curves

I must write too much, because I'm just not keeping up.

I got an A for my Partnership in Practice assignment, which will dictate my grade for the course. I am really pleased because after all, midwifery is what I'm here for. Hopefully, I do as well with the essay I handed in today.

L*'s birth was an induction on Friday 1 September. They must have arrived early because when I arrived they had already done the first examination.

L* had her GP as LMC. He seemed to be really involved to a greater extent than I expected, but N* mentioned that he was probably after brownie points because of a business relationship he had with G*.

CTG showed some worrying dips. As first baby, N*, was needing assistance immediately post-birth, and because of the dips it was decided to deliver in one of the theatres.

L* used a birth stool, but finally gave birth in a semi-reclined position. Baby had quite a lot of moulding from a long second stage.

G* quickly checked baby. He assisted me with controlled cord traction, then he stitched L*'s tear.

I was surprised that G* stood back instead of really getting in and standing by L*. I'm not sure whether it was because he didn't know what to do, or because he was nervous, anxious, or doesn't like blood.

During this labour I spent a lot of time observing L* and G* and trying to figure out how they were feeling about what they were going through. Did they understand the procedure? Were they coping with the pain? Were they anxious, relaxed?

The learning curve is steep when you make a mistake. When I was getting L* up for the toilet and a shower she bled and there was war paint from the bed to the bathroom. I learnt that the woman should wear the pinkie like a nappy for the first toilet trip!!! And I won't jolly well forget it.

It was certainly a busy day because we also did a hospital tour with V* who met C* who was to be her second midwife at her homebirth. V* invited me to her birth as photographer. I was really pleased and excited and felt very privileged that I had been asked.

N* and I were also caring for B* who was being induced the slow way because her midwife was out of town. I did a lot of the care for B* myself with putting on the CTG monitor and interpreting the printout as well as chatting with her and her partner about the reason for the induction.

And I had thought that would be my two births and my time with N* would be up. Luckily I was wrong. Now the births I'm attending are at the invitation of the women. V*, T* and S* have also invited me to attend their births and I feel very privileged at being asked.

Sunday, September 3, 2000

Induction

Another busy day ahead of me so I'd better write up the births.

D*'s induction was on Tuesday 8 August 2000 and D* was being induced at term because she was worried about having a very fast labour and an unplanned home birth.

The hospital was full up in the morning so start time was rescheduled for 1:30pm. The first room D* was in was room 4 which is one of the cubbyholes. Initially D* was prepared with CTG tracing, IV leur, and the epidural was sited.

The vaginal examination and artificial rupture of membranes was done at 3:15pm. D*'s cervix was only 50% effaced. Following the ARM D* started contracting, but walking definitely got them going.

Nothing major happening so a further ARM done on noting on V/E that membranes not definitely ruptured. The ARM was very uncomfortable for D*. She actually needed entonox because of the fundal pressure N* asked me to apply.

This time the ARM did the trick and contractions strengthened. D* requested the epidural medication and she found that immediately after it she was not able to be upright without feeling nauseous.

When D* was able to, we walked around the ward. The walking was marvelous for getting things happening.

D* was fully dilated at 8:47pm and she started pushing at 8:55pm. Baby C* was born at 9:08pm according to N*'s watch.

Blood loss was practically nil and N* got me to help with controlled cord traction for active management of third stage.

Reflecting on the experience now I am able to say that I really feel that the epidural slowed things down for D*. She didn't think she would be able to deal with a fast labour without it. You're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.

I had thought I would be really emotional at my first birth, but I was more focused and practical and was watching for the placenta, and other signs that all was well.

I was amazed at the amount of documentation required. Epidural information, partogram, progress notes, drug chart can all contain the same information. And if things aren't written down immediately as they occur, often the time sequence can be forgotten.

Time is another thing - the birth time of the baby is determined by the midwife's watch. What if the time on her watch is wrong? That could be quite significant to some people with interest in astrological charts.

I learnt soemthing from experience about the variability of birth. Not all of them are like mine. Not all women want to be in control or see the pain as natural. Not all women will breastfeed because it's the best thing for their baby. I knew all of those things, but really understanding the variability of women and birth will develop as I get more experience.

D* and S* left the hospital to take baby home at about 10:30pm. I watched N* complete the paper trail and went to meet up with Adrian. What a day and what a great experience and memory to cherish!

Sunday, August 27, 2000

Visits

I was thinking that I may not have to complete a separate journal, but could use my diary. I guess using this journal means my thoughts are sequenced and in one place.

Today's visits to recap. Visited L*. She is 40+5/40 and induction is planned for Friday. Her hoemopath is Therese Boyle who I was at university with. N* feels that it will be no problem for me to be at the birth even though she didn't take the opportunity today and ask. If the parent/grandparent who is travelling from Waikanae is not able to be there quickly enough for a precipitate labour then it will be my job to look after N*. It's great that I've met him twice so I won't be a cmplete stranger.

T* was a bit of a worry because of her living situation. She is living on a mezzanine floor above their business. The stairs up are really steep and shallow. The toilet is downstairs. I don't think T* had even considered the possibility of having to cope after a caesarean. T* had severe varicose veins and is being treated with hirudoid cream, support stockings, and willb e having surgery after the birth. T* doesn't think her husband will attend the birth so I may end up attending as a support person. This would certainly be a more hands-on and attentive role. T* is 32/40.

We did a final postnatal visit with J*. She has an absolutely gorgeous house. I weighed baby and she weighed exactly 4kg. J* was very organised and competent. She had a gift for N*. I remember how it felt to end the midwifery relationship and could sense the emotions that go into farewells.

Dear N* shouted me lunch. We discussed my request to work with N* again in 3rd year. N* was hapy to have me.

J* was a midwife in the UK. She had a wonderful older child. The palpation was tricky and I didn't pick up the ROL and had in fact thought baby was LOL. She seemed to be quite worn down with a cold.

J* and L* both had pre-35 week premature babies. Whenever I see premature babies I feel very protective. I have a strong urge to pick them up and cuddle them. I'm not quite sure what my subconscious mind thinks this will achieve. J* looked tired and her baby was doing really well. She is waiting for the magic 3kg mark as she can take him out. L* was very relaxed but her baby may have actually had too long between feeds and been relapsing into sleepiness.

What an exciting day! Seemed to have a strange time flow. Some moments went slowly and others seemed to be sped up. I am so enjoying working with N*. After all she was my inspiration.

Thursday, August 24, 2000

Relationships

I keep putting off writing the material I need because I want time to ensure the detail and depth for assignment purposes. Because of this concern I haven't yet written about D*'s birth. Now putting procrastination aside I am focusing on the necessity and practicality of writing in my journal regularly and remind myself of its contribution to my learning.

Looking back at J*'s visit I recall how large and tight and reactive her uterus was. I felt concern about her ability to birth her baby without intervention as she is a small woman.

I can see the J* will have a good family support network, but possibly little contact with other new mothers. With her partner's unsocial work hours this could restrict her social interaction and leave her vulnerable for postnatal depression. My reason for concern is because I was considering how I felt with my situation after Amy was born with Adrian doing shift work.

I was interested in J*'s attitude towards her health and her pregnancy. It seemed that pregnancy and the discomforts were a source of qattention focus and she was not particularly interested in improving her situation with exercise and aids. N* mentioned that J* was complaining of pelvic pain and N* went to great lengths to have a support belt available. N* had been phoned by J* at 10 pm at night complaining of the pain and then J* chose not to pick up and use the belt. Exercise could help alleviate the leg pain J* gets but she found it all beyond her capabilities.

It was a great experience seeing K* who was at home with her premature baby and N* was working with K* will after usual hand over to Plunket. The focus of the visit was to get K* to move away from the regimented and very careful handling of her baby in the neonatal environment to a more relaxed and flexible, normalised home environment. K* had wonderful support from her mother who was very helpful in moving K* to see her baby as normal and healthy, just small due to being born prematurely.

It was funny. She was a gorgeous baby and my hands were itching to hold her. I was a little bit disappointed that K*'s mother was there because when an extra pair of hands were needed, it was me who held baby. Maybe because she was so tiny I wanted to hold and protect her.

I'll leave writing about D*'s birth of C* until I get home and can refer to the notes.

The week following the birth I was very vague and a bit off-track. I'm not quite sure what to attribute this to and will have to be aware of it after the next birth. Was it that I lost touch with the purpose of the classes? gained a sense of invincibility? was just tired? Only a pattern or needing to break one will tell.

On Monday 14 August I was scheduled to spend the day with N* but as we had previously joked a woman went into labour. We did one antenatal visit and I did the BP, palpation and FHR. N* asked me to leave the room for the high vaginal swab which she had to do to assess her for Group B strep infection. I respected N*'s decision and after discussing the situation in the car realised that it was to do with the husband's anxiety and concerns about the actions in the previous birth and simply her understanding of the woman's privacy needs.

This came up once again because the woman in labour was a midwife and she didn't want a student. I felt a bit miffed and personally was annoyed about a midwife not wanting to contribute to the learning of a student. Since then i think it was not the choice of the woman, but that N* had taken that stance from her understanding of her client. Another factor in my annoyance was that I believed it was my last Monday working with N*.

This makes me realise that I am willing to respect women's wishes, but have to be careful not to let my annoyance to show.

Compounding this foolishness was the incident of the following week. I went up to Te Horo to see my brother and sister-in-law's place. I didn't check my answering machine when I got home. The next morning I was enjoying a sleep in and N* phoned saying that I was to meet her at the hospital as she wasn't able to wait any longer. I felt so inadequate, humiliated and extremely unprofessional. The biggest and first lesson in checking my answering machine.

I dropped Maia off with Adrian and met N* at the hospital at 10am. The reliability and contactability of first year students and the attitude of midwives towards us was further demonstrated by another midwife who expressed disgust at not being able to reach her student by phone or pager. There were justifiable reasons why the other midwife was having difficulty contacting the student and faults on both sides and outside their control. This just gave me insight into why presenting a professional manner is important and how a student's actions reflects on her whole class and can also impact on student in following years.

On Monday 21 August we saw R* antenatally at 16 weeks. She is Gravida 3, Para 2 and is suffering from toxoplasmosis. N* cared for her with her two previous pregnancies. R* has a very supportive and possibly over-protective husband because of R*'s illness. I was surprised to learn that toxoplasmosis can have ongoing effects throughout the infected person's life. I had thought that it was treated initially and didn't have recurrences. I will have to read more about it.

We did N*'s final postnatal visit. She was looking a little bit anxious about feeding and settling her baby. During the labout her lawyer husband took notes and N* had felt the need to be thorough in her education and documentation with this couple. N* went through a demonstration of using the breast pump and I held the baby to settle him. This may have helped Nina by giving her some different ways other people use to settle and comfort a baby.

As it was the last visit N* was a little bit emotional at saying goodbye. N* gave N* a Peace Lily. I discussed the feelings of women at ending the midwifery partnership. My thoughts on this are that the woman is losing a special contact and support that is focused initially primarily on her as the locus of attention and the special bond with another woman who has attended her birth and can connect to her through the birth experience. The midwife has had experience and knowing and the woman has felt reinforced and supported and has had some of the pressure of responsibility shared. On ending the midwifery partnership the woman must take full responsibility and shift to independence. The midwife needs to reassure the woman of her abilities and how much she has already achieved, as well as future avenues for support.

Visiting C* revealed some aspects of what it is like to support midwifery colleagues. The midwife-mother is able to make assessments but because she is so close to the situation her midwife colleague is able to provide a partial objectivity and support. The midwife-mother still needs all of the things a non-midwife does as well as reassurance if things are not going as planned as she is well aware of implications. Identify the level of assessment she wants from you and provide care accordingly.

I am having difficulty at the moment making study time. Taking this time now is helping me to focus. I have varying levels of organisation depending on my general wellbeing, and will aim to improve these in all circumstances. Assignment planning would be a good start.

Friday, August 18, 2000

So much web page fun and so little time!

So much web page fun and so little time!

Easy log

I’ve discovered a much easier way to log my personal and site updates. You can get one too at www.blogger.com. Definitely an easier prospect, and has heaps of uses.

I've discovered a much easier way to log my personal and...

I've discovered a much easier way to log my personal and site updates. You can get one too at www.blogger.com. Definitely an easier prospect, and has heaps of uses.

Some work to do on my midwifery pages. More photos to...

Some work to do on my midwifery pages. More photos to upload.

Now I can try this out on a Net Sisters page, or my...

Now I can try this out on a Net Sisters page, or my reflective journal

Work to do

Some work to do on my midwifery pages. More photos to upload.

Sunday, August 6, 2000

Labs and Practice

We did intramuscular injections this weeks in the practice labs. It was hilarious, but I'm a bit nervous about my first practice on a person because of the greater risks.

I've selected the visit with J* to write about in detail as N* got me to lead the assessment. We turned up and J* was int he shower. N* had mentioned that she believed J* had a cultural view of pregnancy as an illness and that her approach to her pregnancy experience reflected this.

We spoke to J*'s husband about his job and their preparations for the baby. He commented that they have a strong family network. They also plan to purchase baby equipment in one shopping excursion. R* said that he might be able to get two days off a week when baby arrives. R* then went to bed as he works a night shift job.

Starting on the assessment I was quite nervous. I knew about the palpation, blood pressure and urinalysis but was worried I wouldn't remember all of the appropriate questions. I recalled to ask about sleep, movements, iron. We definitely covered those and exercise, antenatal education, support networks, bowel and bladder function, pain in her legs.

I'll have to check the notes for the blood pressure reading. On palpation her uterus was very firm. I was mentally fascinated in comparing her abdomen to the previous client who was also at 30 weeks. J* was big for dates and on palpation N* assessed size on palpation at 32 weeks.

Blood pressure and urinalysis were both satisfactory. J* has been advised about hydrotherapy and exercise classes to relieve thigh pain but hasn't attended any. I suggested that is J* knew someone who was pregnant she could attend classes with a friend. N* mentioned that for hydrotherapy women could wear just a t-shirt and shorts and that if desired the hospital could provide swimsuits.

Sunday, July 30, 2000

Busy

I have to finish writing up last week before writing up today.

S* lost a baby earlier this year. We met her at work. She has an extreme anxiety about the pain of labour and this is of concern to N*.

S*, 12 weeks, has moved from Auckland. I was made aware of non-midwifery aspects because she takes Thyroxine for Hashimoto's disease.

We also did venepuncture last week in class. What a nightmare! We have an odd number in our class so I practiced on our lecturer. I got the vein but went through is, so I obviously need practice. [NB: Lecturer note in journal "That's OK"] N* suggested going on rounds with the phlebotomists at the blood lab.

Today's visits. D*, 39 weeks. I did the palpation and was thrilled to correctly detect that her baby was posterior. It was so exciting to get it right myself with no cues. N* did a vaginal examination to assess the favourability of the cervix. I met D*'s husband today as well. Looks liek the induction will be assessed next Tuesday for favourability as D* will not have pessaries, only artificial rupture of membranes.

R* came into the hospital from out of town for her antenatal appointment today. She is at 28 weeks. Of concern was her level of depression. She noted that her mood had improved, but throughout the appointment I got the impression that she was holding back a really big cry.

I felt as though I really clicked with L* (36 weeks) and would love to be at her birth. She is really fun and intelligent and onto it. I commented to N* about how a midwife is in the position where you click with some women, do your job with others, and sometimes badly clash. She mentioned that both parties need to remember that they can change when necessary and the midwife may be able to facilitate this by opening up discussion.

S* is 24 weeks with twins. She looks to have a very supportive family and network. It was great to be able to palpate her abdomen, but I have no idea what I was feeling.

R*, another one, was fit and well postnatally. Already back into her jeans! Baby was gorgeous with a wee rash on her cheeks and chest. Likely from milk.

I nearly forgot A*. Last postnatal visit at 3 weeks. We were so busy...

D* was a postnatal as well. Baby appears to have a heart condition and it may or may not correct itself. We were there for her first bath. D* was really upset when N* listened to baby's heartbeat with the sonicaid.

One really nice thing today was that N* believes I will make a wonderful midwife. The confidence I have dealing with the women and my intuition based on experience and knowledge will stand me in good stead.

Tuesday, July 25, 2000

Independent Midwifery

My first day with N* was fantastic. The first woman we visited was the first woman whose birth I would attend. N* asked me to take D*'s blood pressure. I felt like a complete wally when I couldn't hear anything and Noreen turned the stethoscope head around.

D* was 38 weeks, gravida 3, and easily palpable. Next time I do a palpation I should really do it without watching N*, or before N*. D* will have a planned induction on 8 August if she does not go into labour prior to 40 weeks gestation. Baby was ROL. D* may not have much support for rest prior to the birth.

A* is gravida 2 and at 24/40. She had an amniocentesis to identify risk of Down's Syndrome. Amnio came back negative and identified baby is a boy. She has difficulty with her daughter C* who requires a special diet. The concern is in respect to family dynamics and risk of problems if baby is difficult. Constipation a problem. Decision points covered.

Wednesday, July 19, 2000

Back to School

Back at school. I am relieved to be back on track after a wonderful, but somewhat tedious, school holidays.

It already looks as though assignments are going to be very heavy going in September and October, and we're to plan to do the births then too.

We get pagers to use this half. It seems to somehow raise the importance of our courses by being on call.

I've contacted N* and briefly outlined what I need to achieve. She is absolutely fantastic and we have scheduled a meeting for this Saturday to go over my schedule and discuss goals and objectives. N* will also permit me to attend all of her Monday scheduled visits. Lucky me!

Wednesday, June 14, 2000

A 'B'

I was really disappointed in getting a 'B' pass in Introduction to Midwifery for the health concepts assignment. I shouldn't be, because of the amount of time I spent on it, but the marking indicates that I was marked down mainly because of layout. I have learnt something, but a 'B' for the assignment means a 'B' for the course. I'm worried because I made the same mistakes in my interview assignment.

Wednesday, June 7, 2000

Shaped by Practice

Nearly the end of my clinical practice. It has been fantastic and I have learnt from every midwife I've worked with. Even though J* had had a large break in her career she had heaps of experience. While she respected the old school midwives, she tended to a social model and definitely believed that less intervention was better, but didn't mind the odd formula feed if that was the woman's choice.

I got a completely different perspective about autonomy and safe practice observing and working with J* (a different one). As an independent midwife working as a casual resource at the hospital she was very cautious in her measures when caring for women. This included expressing breast milk and giving it to babies on a spoon if baby had not had a reasonable feeding atttempt before 8 hours. Also in respect to autonomy she believes that midwives working hospital shifts do not really have the same right to make care decisions when they go home at the end of a shift and leave care of the woman to the next midwife.

My most enjoyable experience was working with B*. She was a direct entry midwifery graduate and is really easy to talk to and understands my perspective because she's been through it. She was accomodating, helpful and friendly. What I most liked was the response she got from women. Everyone seemed relaxed and confident in the care and advice she provided. Out of the three she, I believe, best served the needs of all women she cared for.

I will continue to experience different ways of practising and differend personalities. I can see that i will take it all in over the next three years and mould and shape my own unique style and methods for practice.

I am slightly curious about how I will react in my first emergency, at the first caesarean, at the first normal delivery, and after my first big mistake. Needles are another area of wariness and nervousness. Lots of firsts to come, but at least I survived my first clinical practice.

Monday, May 29, 2000

Experience

Two things I learnt today. First, when talking to a woman only relate a personal experience if it will create a sense of empathy for her. Relating my experience is midwife-centred instead of woman-centred. I could hear myself relating something and realised that it didn't contribute much value.

Second, and most valuable! It has been obvious and reinforced time and time again. Don't ever overlook or ignore experience just because I might have learnt differently, being proud, be feeling stupid, cocky and confident. Experience counts for more than the fresh new learning. Reading a book, doing an assignment or test, don't count for as much as years and years of experience. And remember that on the ward we are a team providing care. Remember all the bad, sad and silly stories whenever I go out on practice or after I graduate.

A good point J* mentioned was to trust my instincts. Also reinforcing the classes to look at "the whole person" not just taking obs. Consider their mood and coping and support as well.

Sunday, May 28, 2000

Hospital Placement

I knew I would have heaps to write today. I didn't sleep very well last night because I'm worried about Adrian and nervous about today. I felt very guilty about waking Adrian up and getting him to take me to the hospital. This is exactly what I was worried about when I realised we would not have a second car before my clinical placement.

I was really nervous but felt prepared because I had read up in my practice handbook and planned to do the activity book that we had been given by our lecturer. I ended up working with J* and we were far too busy for me to even consider being nervous.

Everything seemed very haphazard. Apart from how busy we were I really enjoyed the day. Mums care for their babies and we care for the mums. I need to try and find some tomorrow to go over my goals with J*.

Tuesday, May 16, 2000

Assignments

On the rollercoaster ride now. I'm very pleased that so far I am getting A's. I know the first B or C will be a shock. I guess it's easier to do a good job when you enjoy the course material. Midwifery feels right every step of the way.

I have three assessments due next Friday and a life sciences test on the 13th of June. I really need to get the essays out of the way quickly so I can concentrate on the sciences.

I'm really looking forward to getting the stethoscope and sphygmomanometer this week. Then I can get lots of practice.

Tuesday, April 11, 2000

Presentation

A very powerful day. We presented our model of midwifery partnership and the fabulous tohu whakakotahitanga. I think everyone in the class wants a tshirt with the logo.

We were all extremely nervous and afterward I think we all felt a little lost because our initial purpose had gone. Would we still stay together as a group and for study? It looks as though we have already demonstrated it by studying life sciences together in the library study hall. We've proven to ourselves that we have another function to keep us together.

I feel very proud about what our group accomplished and my personal contribution in designing the logo. The other two presentations were also very powerful and emotionally moving.

Thursday, April 6, 2000

Biggest Challenge

I think that my biggest challenge at the moment is carving out study time.

Adrian knows I am loving doing midwifery but is really only supportive as long as my course doesn't impinge on his time and plans. I seem to be getting more and more tired and run down.

Evenings are the hardest time. I come home from university and have to deal with the pressures of the household before I can study. That means housework and dinner and getting the kids to bed come before study time. This is really only an issue because Adrian works nights. I will have to make more of an effort to have constructive study time at university.

On Tuesday this week I had science labs and was unable to attend because Adrian was sick. If I can't manage something small, then how am I going to manage the big things.

Adrian also needs to see his role in a new way. He has to realise that it is more appropriate for hiem to manage childcare, schooling and kindergarten, and Maia's Plunket visits as well as the healthcare for the children. He isn't coping so well I think because he favours the responsibility of housework as a distraction from his tiredness as well as the burden of his responsibilities.

In an ideal world, or more realistically an impossible world, I would be able to manage the housework, children, and my study without even calling on Adrian. My life just isn't like that!

I see that a couple of direct conversations are necessary. From experience of past communication I need to have a couple of action plans in place for us to discuss rather than reach a decision and then let him know how it affects him.

Thursday, March 30, 2000

Dropout rate

As the dropout rate increases the bonds of the remaining students strengthens.

Wednesday, March 29, 2000

Keeping a Professional Journal

In the confusion about the process of writing a reflective journal, I decided to look at the reference text "Keeping a Professional Journal". It is obviously targeted towards teaching but I can see the aplications for nursing and midwifery.

One of the suggestions in it is that I start with a short autobiography but that will have to wait for a later date. At the moment it seems appropriate to write about gripes and the highs and lows.

One bug that I currently have is that some of the combined classes with the nurses are extremely irritating when content seems to completely ignore the midwives. Another irritation is the fact that all of the books that seem to actually be necessary but weren't on the recommended book list.

Thursday, March 16, 2000

Our Rights

We all have the right

  • to choose

  • to have opinions

  • to be respected

  • to have needs

  • to have and express feelings

  • to make mistakes (and be forgiven)

  • to accept these rights in others

Wednesday, March 15, 2000

Deja vu

A sense of deja vu. As a group the first year midwives have to choose a class representative. I have been selected into a job share. I think that we are both a little concerned about how much time it might involve.

I actually feel relatively comfortable in that role, but disappointed that no one wanted to actively take on the position. I fit into that category too. We want anyone to take on being our advocate as long as it's not us.

Two interesting experiences yesterday. I attended the student midwives lunch. Interesting that they said that the strongest and most important source of support was without a doubt the other students. There seems to be some uncertaintly about the future quality of the course.

Monday, March 13, 2000

Unwell

Didn't attend lectures yesterday. I felt unwell, but was it really enough to stay home in bed? Could I have attended in the afternoon? The issue for me was being run down and tired. Obviously this not only impacts on me now, but will be extremely important when I am a practising midwife.

I can cope on very little sleep. Adrian suggested that my sleep isn't very peaceful and that I apear to have difficulty breathing. Maybe I have some form of sleep apnoea in relation to being overweight? I definitely have to get that checked!

Saturday, March 11, 2000

Journal Online

On Thursday I asked the course convenor about whether it was allowable for me to put an edited version of my reflective journal online. She said that as long as recognisable identifiers were removed for privacy reasons that this would be okay.

Monday, March 6, 2000

Long Road

Real midwifery still seems a long way off. Lots of theory and foundation building. It is essential to keep the goal in focus.

Friday, March 3, 2000

*EXTRA*

*EXTRA*

I decided to add my journal to my site, and Abracadabra! here it is. I will need to check with the university that as long as I maintain confidentiality and edit appropriately that I am allowed to do this.

Wednesday, March 1, 2000

First week

Midwifery - first week.

Social Model vs Medical Model

Medical = Technocratic

Obviously there is a move towards the social model, even by medical practitioners entrenched in a technocratic way of operating. I think that part of this move is the result of consumer demands.

I can see how I was affected by my social situation, social pressure, and the susceptibility to accept the "expert" guidance in my birth process. This was strongest when I was pregnant with Lucas, and still present with Maia.

I recognise that I had a choice with Maia to stand for a home birth, or wait instead of being induced. I had a wonderful birth experience. I had an induction and waterbirth (almost) with minimal intervention. Why do I still dwell on it? Do I feel guilty? Or do I still have questions to ask? Or do I just have to get over it? How much influence was the medical model or even CYA on the birth experience?