It has been far too long since I have written in my journal. It is interesting the caution with which journals are used because of the potential for them to be used against a midwife. It all comes down to communication. I consider a journal to be a conversation with myself that I can read later and learn from and chart progress. However, a lawyer would probably read it differently.
I am not sure whether I will use a reflective journal as an independent midwife. A comment in my conversation to myself could be misconstrued by a third party. I enjoy and appreciate the value of journalling but only if I feel safe.
I am a little bit frustrated at doing so few births this year but can appreciate the benefits for my family. I* put it really will when she said some of us are getting quality instead of quantity. However, one good thing about quantity is that you remember and build habits from repetition.
A great experience for me has been L*'s use of accupuncture. The most incredible evidence of its effectiveness was during F*'s labour where she was contrcting 1:10 and immediately following.during needling contractions jumped to 4:10. Then unfortunately following removal of the needles, contractions became incoordinate and irregular again. I was so amazed that I asked the couple if I could photocopy the relevant section of the CTG tracing.
Lots of other things about that labour were difficult, but at least I have a high point to recall. One try with the prostin, accupuncture, two days, and ARM, more accupuncture, two tries at cannulation, syntocinon, entonox, three tries at an epidural, a dural tap, and finally a forceps delivery. No wonder midwives practise defensively and don't write reflective journals. Mustn't forget the resuscitation because baby stopped breathing and the blood patches required for the spinal tap headaches.
I know I still feel the anger at the outcome of my stitches with my first birth and that the scars and damage is permanent. For something relatively minor I still felt cheated . So how does a woman with a traumatic birth deal with it? Interestingly there is a group dealing with birth related post-traumatic stress. Maybe F* might be interested.
I got great feedback from L* on my evaluation form. I got two passes so far so I am getting through. The only cloud on the horizon are the exams.
