Different Expectations

I didn't get much written last night because I had kids climbing all over me. It's not much easier now, but best to get it done.

I'm not meant to use full names, or even any form of recognisable identifier, in my journal for privacy reasons. I find this difficult in some ways because at the least a first name aids recollection. I think I will continue using a first initial and careful editing for my online journal.

S*'s birth was arduous. We first saw S* at 8:30 am on Thursday and she was contracting regularly but was still comfortable with them.

Later on in the day L* attended J*'s home birth. A lovely home birth that I didn't attend because J* had plenty of support, a lack of space, and I hadn't met J* earlier.

L* phoned at about 8:30 pm and let me know that S* was anxious and in pain with regular contractions and we were meeting her in the hospital at 9:45 pm. S* was 1 cm dilated.

S*'s anxiety and pain perception dictates a slow process. On arriving, contractions slowed, and were further slowed by a bath. However, S* was in pain to the extent that she requested and was given pethidine.

On vaginal examination she was still 1 cm. Further on through the night it was decided that syntocinon would be required to augment labour. S* was not coping well because she would not consider returning home, has a needle phobia, and was objecting to the need for vaginal exams and absolutely refused an artificial rupture of membranes.

It was a slow process to talk S* through the importance and need for these interventions in consideration of her dilatation and pain tolerance. We almost had a meltdown when L* suggested that S* was heading towards a caesarean section.

J* was consulted about S*'s labour.

S* surprised all of us when she dilated from 3cm to 6cm as it was unexpected. So a vaginal birth was back within reach. The trickiest part was managing the epidural as even with a full block S* was not receiving relief for right hip pain.

L* left at midday because she was exhausted. I stayed for two reasons. I wanted to be there as a familiar face and for some form of continuity for S* and L*. The second reason irritated me because I considered that if I left before the birth I couldn't actually count it in my numbers even though I had been in attendance for 15 hours.

It was such a relief that in the end S* had a vaginal delivery of baby assisted by J* using forceps. It looked like S* was bleeding heavily and L* confirmed that S* had a PPH.

A* commented to L* that I wasn't acting in a strictly observing capacity and something I did was inappropriate. I'm not clear what it was, so will try and gt the information from A*.

I was quite upset and tried to take it on board as something to consider and learn from, but without specifics it's a bit difficult. Some factors I have since rationalised about include the fact that I was tired, I had established a relationship with S* and L*, and that for S* and L* my communication was acceptable. What I need to think about is the colleague and professional relationships where two-way support and respect is crucial. Further to this is that I feel that L* is satisfied with my level os interaction, otherwise I feel that she would have said something further in respect to her perspective of the birth.

Our relationship is developing and I am really enjoying watching and learning from L*. Life is crazy busy but I really love what I'm doing.